Thank you Father in heaven for giving me one more year to do so. Please forgive me if become so disillusioned with life and for being proud as though you owe me answers to my questions.
I am not considering this as a resolution but I want myself to live life that is more open to happiness. I know breaking the bad habit of standing still in bitterness of past hurts is never easy. But I believe my father in heaven will help me find ways to move on. What I’ve been through was all about the consequences of my wrong decisions. Those decisions I made during the time that I was confused about life. When I was still a young girl I used to believe that I have life all figured out and that I already know what where I’m going and what I will be. Not until growing up showed me what really life is. I had no idea how complicated it is and it made me go crazy. And suddenly by all means I don’t know how to deal with the situations I am going through. I was completely mystified by all the questions swirling around my head. I was expecting for answers but what I got are all questions and I am not prepared for it. My mind got consumed of all the happenings and before I knew it, I was already on the wrong side of everything. I got lost on track and it’s hard for me to get back so I kept moving on knowing that I am already heading the wrong way. I devoured myself with all the wrong decisions and keep getting worse every day. Until one day I realized that I am already stuck in a muddy-miserable-situation where I can hardly see a bright future for me. Life has really knocked me down. I was badly hurt and I wanted to give up. But when I think of love ones ‘my family’ I got the urge to rise up and fight back. Rising from defeat demands double effort from me and really challenges me to keep moving on. Standing up from the muddy fall was so difficult as well as picking up the pieces of my broken dreams is like finding a needle in a haystack. There are times that all I want is to give up and get buried in a miserable life. There also comes a time when suicide was my only option to end all the pains and suffering I’m going through. But I am forever be grateful because my father in heaven didn’t allow me to do so. Up to this day I can still barely see a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel but still I am going to fight back once again for my ‘love ones’. One thing I’m sure of, I am now armed with knowledge about how life can be so cruel and I think I am now starting to figure out how to deal with it. As I age I want to live and enjoy life the way it is. I learned so much from the past experiences that I don’t want it to happen again.