Noche Buena

On my last blog post I wrote about how anxious I am with so many things but hey, a miracle really did happen and everything goes perfectly well. My grandma is now in good health and my parents were able to find someone who will look up to our house, so they’re here now and will be spending Christmas with us. A prayer is really a big thing and it really works, just believe in the power of it.
Today is December 24 so we started the day early in preparation for the noche buena. Earlier this morning I made a fruit salad, while my mother cooked her specialty dish, the ‘valenciana’. My brother and I also cooked bulalo for lunch and we also made ‘puto cupcakes’. Late afternoon when my mother ask me to accompany her to the supermarket to buy some stuff. While walking along valencia street, we passed by a newly opened ukay’ ukay. Since my mother is really a huge fan of ukay2x we decided to take a look on their items and we found out that there are lots of stunning sleeveless tops. We ended up buying almost 10 pieces of ‘sandos’ for only 50 pesos each. After ukay2x we finally hit the supermarket and after buying some groceries we went home. In addition to our ‘handa’ mama bought a kilo of lechon and also earlier this evening my father cooked ‘pansit’ and lastly I made a chicken macaroni salad. So, we end up having a lot of food on our table which is what we really wanted anyway and of course We shared some of it with our neighbors.  What a Merry Merry Christmas!

A bowl of peace of mind please

…I’m perfectly aware how important I am to You lord. I know You care so much about me. Still Lord I’m worried about so many things. Our maid is leaving tomorrow and we haven’t found someone to replace her. I know it’s silly but I worry about who will do the household chores, who will clean the house, who will cook and who will do the laundry. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about these trivial things but I can’t keep myself from thinking. My mom called me up and she told me that they’re having a doubt if they can go here to celebrate Christmas with us because my grandma is sick and their maid is leaving also. They just can’t simply leave our house and my grandma alone without someone who will look up to especially at night. I am really anxious that this will be my worst  of the worst Christmas in years, having to spend it with my brother alone. I perfectly understand the situation that I can’t be selfish to oblige my parents to go here. but, I can’t keep thinking. Lord, please help me calm my thoughts and please help me realize that You have my best interest at heart and something good is about to happen. I badly needed a peace of mind Lord.

Thank you for Your Faithfulness

For the many times I mess things up, you are still there for me. Over and over you catch me. Every time I stumble, you hold me up. A lot of times I failed You. I have no hope and I’m living in utter confusion without direction or goals. For so long I held back from giving my heart to you. Yet, you are so stubborn not to give up on me. You never stop loving me, You still protect me from harm, You heal my illness, You forgive me for my wrong doings and You’re still providing me my needs. Looking at myself right now, I can’t understand what I did or who am I to deserve Your love and faithfulness. You really are an unchanging God. Thank you so much for not giving up on me. I am grateful that you are my father. How amazing the way You are showing me Your love everyday. Your love is beyond measure. Thank you for Your Faithfulness.

A Letter fo Myself

Years ago, during my emotional ping pong times…. I wrote a letter for myself’

Dear Coach,
Now you’re beginning to understand life less and less everyday. When you were young, you use to believe that you had actually had the world all figured out, but now, as you grow, you know that having the world all figured out is virtually impossible because you now realize that you will never understand even the simplest things that life has to offer, like why people love who they love, and why people fight with the ones they love the most. People use to tell you that you were going to go places, that you were the one that actually going to be somebody … that somebody never were, that somebody they long for you to be, and that somebody you have always dreamed of becoming, not just to satisfy yourself but also to satisfy your family and those people around you. Now it is as if your life has taken a 360 degree turn around the sharpest corner of life. You are so confused on everything. You are now beginning to question all of your goals and aspirations in life that you had once set for yourself. Life is getting too complicated for you, you are at the point where you are just living day by day, completely careless to those around you. You feel as if you don’t have friends, and a family that cares for you, you feel more alone than you ever have before. You just have this emptiness inside of you, and you don’t know how to fill it. You say that you’re in love, but who really knows what love is? Well I guess you’re just another crazy girl, taking one long ride on the Roller Coaster of life. Where and when will this roller coaster stop? Nobody knows, not even yourself, all you know is you are ready to get off now. Some days you just wish that you could be totally oblivious to the world and other days you long for people to be around you. You have stopped living by what other people think of you and you have started living how you want to live. You no longer act like the person you are not, you show your true colors and many do not like them. Maybe that is why you are so confused … you don’t know who to satisfy, yourself or the people that care about you. I don’t think that you will ever understand this roller coaster and why you were chosen to take this ride, right now you don’t know if it will ever even come to a complete stop, but until it does I guess you will just keep feeling this way inside.

Missing the little girl within me!

Change is the only constant thing in this unsteady universe. Everything changes, your friends, family and even yourself. Personally, I’m going through a lot of changes and it gets me off base and I can picture out the big difference between me before and me at the present. They say, “Everything changes for a reason” but I can’t see why things happen the way they do and I’m still missing the little girl within me.

Continue reading “Missing the little girl within me!”

My Rebellious Heart

Teenage years were my most unforgettable moments. As I reflect on those years I recall happy memories as well as frightening and troublesome times. Within those years I met different kinds of people, had different set of friends and I’ve got to travel to different places. During those years I happen to be so aggressive with the things around me. I tend to get mad easily if I can’t have the things I want and I also became rebellious that I hold grudges and if someone did hurt me, I couldn’t calm my emotions, I always wish to take revenge and get even. I even tested my loved ones integrity and authority. I attempted to find my own way and have the freedom like any other teenagers have. No amount of patience and advice’s my loved ones especially my parents gave me just to set me back straight, but always end up arguing with them instead of listening to their speeches. A lot of arguments happened between me and my parents for a reason that they’re not approving me of my actions. I insisted on them to gave me their support in the things I want and I want to do but, parents know best and they didn’t gave me their one hundred percent support. They only want what’s best for me and they don’t want anything bad will happen to me. Yet, I’m so stubborn to take their advice’s  I still pursue the things I want even if it’s wrong and I would get mad to those who people would go in my way and try to stop me from doing those things. So rebellious me!